My Thoughts~*

This is going to be quite a long entry. but i just felt that i should share some of my thoughts wif u guys (if u're interested).

My Thoughts:

last nite was truly emotional. i can't say that i cried, cos i didn't, but seeing the tears of so many of my frens struck a chord deep inside me. i'm leaving this group of wonderful ppl.

at the very least i know that i'll always haf their frenship. but wat reallie saddened me was that i will no longer be able to work with them; share their joys and sorrows, or even just hang out wif them in the same way i had in the past year. time reallie passes fast, doesn't it?

many spoke out about their fears, apprehensions, dreams and aspirations last nite. it made me feel great that i had such a great family in LWS.. ppl who were willing to share wat they had. this is so different from wat i experience in uni.. as i said, most ppl were competitors rather than frens. but in the PG i reallie felt at home.

Puzzled & Full of Regret:

but yet there were times when i felt that i didn't belong. perhaps i felt the same way as darryl did: that i didn't deserve a place in the PG. seriously speaking, i haf no idea why i passed the auditions in the first place. i'm still kinda puzzled by it.

i've never had any dreams to pursue a music career, which was why i placed so much more emphasis on my studies instead. but it was after joining the PG that i developed a slight confidence in myself, and in the way i should present myself on stage. i nv got to the point of total relaxation while i'm performing (kinda hard habit to kick.. i think i've been tense my whole life), which is kind of a regret for me. i guess i nv reallie cherished all those chances i had to perform and to improve myself.

Feeling Guilty:

now that i'm entering my 4th year of uni, my parents haf been asking me to stop singing and concentrate on my school work. i've seen the worry in their eyes constantly for the past year cos i've been spending quite some time at LWS.. especially when the concert at esplanade came. i could literally see them panicking. i felt so guilty then.. although i tried to show them that i could cope wif sch and PG, i guess there was still nothing i could do to ease their fears.

so when i finally settled down to study for my exams, i could see the relief in their faces. i must say that they were extremely worried that i wouldn't do well in this sem's exams.. thank goodness i still passed everything rather satiscfactorily. but i could see them breaking out in cold sweat. i can fully understand their reactions.. they didn't want me fall at this last lap of my studying life.

but there is another major contributing factor to my decision to leave: i feel that i am unable to give my all to the PG, and it's terribly unfair to you guys. esp those who reallie gave their all. let's face it guys, it's been a year but i haven't reallie been performing much. i'm absent in 70% of all performances. not only am i feeling guilty towards my parents, i'm feeling guilty towards the PG. when i joined, i promised WSLS that i would contribute and give my all. i failed in that promise.

My Decision:

in both aspects, the decision was clear: it was best that i leave. i struggled wif this thought for a few months, becos i reallie couldn't bear the thot of leaving this big family. i didn't mention it to anyone.. not even my parents. it was something i had to decide on my own. those 3 months were reallie hard for me.. performances and exams were coming, reports were due, i was involved in lab work.. everything just piled up at once.

perhaps some of you may think that i'm trying to avoid the challenges ahead.. and maybe u're right. but i need to take things one step at a time. i shall finish my honours before deciding if i am able to come back and make more contributions to the PG. this is only fair.. there was no point in staying if i couldn't give my all to you guys. but when that time comes, i hope i make it thru the auditions again!

Future PG:

in the mean time, you guys will always haf me as a fren and constant supporter of all your performances. i hope all of you will be able to "sheng" together as a group, and rise to greater heights. as huan cheng was saying, "i hope to see the same PG after the auditions." so jia you everyone!! i'm sure all of you will pass wif flying colours!! don't be intimidated by those 4 ppl in the panel!! (they all very frenly one rite??) *hahaha*

p/s: don't think u're rid of me so easily. i'll still pop by once in a while to check on u ppl. *^o^* one more thing.. thanks JJ for that cheesecake!! altho i couldn't finish it. hahaha.